Handle with Care: Finding Value in Vulnerability with EMDR Therapy

The transformative power of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is akin to embarking on an enlightening journey akin to a magical voyage, but without any adverse reactions. This journey, this profound and intense exploration into the depths of your psyche, often manifests in the form of vivid, meaningful visuals that shed light on the most hidden corners of your being.

During one of my highly transformative EMDR sessions, a compelling image unfolded before me. This image was strikingly poignant and deeply resonated with me: a crystal figure, a representation of myself, enclosed in a box delicately labeled, "Fragile - handle with care."

From as early as I can remember, labels of "too sensitive" or "too emotional" were frequently attached to me. This constant barrage of criticism, repeated over and over again, began to wear down my spirit and resilience. It felt as though I was under siege, and, in defense, I chose to hide my true self, to morph into a less sensitive version of myself. I started wearing a mask - a cold, detached, and serious front to shield myself against the onslaught of criticism. This intentional denial of my true nature, however, only served to stoke the fires of my self-loathing. The anger I felt was a wildfire that began to seep into my interactions with others, tainting them with its bitter flames.

It was during the healing journey of EMDR therapy that I began to understand an essential truth: I wasn’t being pushed into this facade by any external force or person. It was me who had chosen to hide, to change, to shield myself from the onslaught of criticism. But what I've come to realize is that criticism only stings, only causes pain, when you internalize it and believe it to be true. If someone criticizes a characteristic or trait that you know you don't possess, you can easily brush it off, even laugh it off. But if the criticism strikes at something you believe to be a flaw within yourself, it lands like a punch to the gut, leaving you winded and hurt.

My family often teased me for being too sensitive, even too crazy, as I was growing up. These jabs, these hurtful comments, heightened my self-consciousness, amplifying every doubt and insecurity I had about myself. They caused me to suppress my feelings when faced with harsh words at work. I pretended to have a thick skin, acting as though their words didn't bother me. I put on an act, a performance of strength and indifference. But inside, it was a different story. Inside, I was crumbling, breaking apart under the weight of my suppressed emotions and denied truth. Because, at my core, I was - and still am - a sensitive individual.

But through the enlightening process of EMDR, I’ve begun to see that sensitivity isn't a negative trait to be ashamed of. It's not a flaw or a weakness as society and my circle of acquaintances may have forced me to believe. The reality is, there's immense beauty in delicacy. The most beautiful things in life, the most cherished and appreciated, are often the most delicate. The most expensive and valuable items in the world - paintings, sculptures, high-end apparel, jewelry - are all delicate. They all carry the tag, "Fragile - handle with care."

So, I've made the empowering decision to embrace my fragility. I am fragile, and I need to be handled with care. If someone repeatedly hurts my feelings, it's not a reflection of my supposed weakness or my fragility, but their inability to handle things with care, their lack of empathy and understanding.

However, throughout this journey, I’ve also learned the importance of differentiating between modifying myself to avoid criticism and changing my behavior for self-protection. While I morphed into someone else entirely to avoid criticism in the past, I now understand that it's essential to adapt my behavior for self-preservation, for the protection of my mental and emotional well-being.

In my professional life, for example, I've come to realize that my delicate and sensitive nature may not always serve me well. There might be situations and environments where being overtly sensitive could be more of a hindrance than a help. Hence, much like a firefighter donning their suit for protection against the raging flames, I've learned to put on a metaphorical suit of armor to protect my sensitive self in these environments. The vital difference now is, I know who I am underneath that suit, and I know that the suit isn't a permanent part of my identity. I can take it off anytime I choose to.

This newfound understanding, this revelation of self-truth, is a significant leap forward in my journey of self-discovery, of understanding and accepting myself as I am. I owe this profound journey of self-discovery and transformation to EMDR therapy, the guiding light that has led me towards self-acceptance and self-love.