Navigating Shame and Guilt Following a Hypomanic/Manic Episode

I recently went through a hypomanic/manic episode that led me to make a series of really, really poor decisions, some that were completely out of character for me. Although I'm not quite ready to share the exact details (perhaps someday in the future), I can tell you that it's incredibly embarrassing and has the potential to affect my future in a negative way.

Now, I've restarted my medication and I'm feeling more stable, but this newfound stability has allowed me to look back at my actions with an even more critical eye. The weight of guilt, regret, and shame has been almost unbearable at times. I thought I had a handle on dealing with shame and guilt through the work I've done in therapy, but clearly, I had underestimated the power of these emotions.

As I've replayed the events in my head, the guilt and regret have been haunting me, occasionally bringing me to tears. However, today's therapy session brought an important realization: I've been attacking myself relentlessly, not fully acknowledging that I have a disorder and that my brain chemistry can sometimes go haywire. When it comes to manic episodes, one of the hallmark features is that you may engage in behavior that is entirely out of character for you, and that's expected. All I can do is practice self-compassion, even though it's incredibly difficult, and accept that what's done is done. My therapist and I came up with a helpful analogy today - envisioning my unprocessed thoughts and feelings as butterflies, and placing them in a metaphorical mason jar to deal with when I'm ready.

I'm aware that I still have a long journey ahead of me, with much to learn about this recent diagnosis. However, I'm hanging in there and taking it one step at a time.

I'd love to hear how others deal with the shame and guilt that often accompanies episodes like these. If you have any tips or recommendations, please share them. Remember, it's crucial to be kind to yourself and keep pushing forward. We're all in this together!

#bipolar #bp #mentalhealth